The Crush
by snapesgirl1981
Summary: A crush and how feelings change in time -COMPLETE-
1. Chapter One

**The Crush**  
_by Snapesgirl1981_

  
Email: snapesgirl1981@yahoo.com.au  
Rating: PG-13 – this part  
Summary: It is generelly not a good idea to dream in your classes- especially if it is Potions with Professor Snape. WIP about a crush that develops into something else completely.  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter  
Feedback: I try to write more but I am sure that some reviews would make me write faster. Also please note that I am not british, not even a native english speaker and this is my frist HG/SS fanfic so far. Be kind.  
  
A/N: In this story Hermione is 17 years old, finishing her last year in Hogwarts and so are Harry and Ron. The generell Rating of the story goes for some graphic language and mentioning of violence later, this part however is completely innocent. Enjoy!  
  
  


Ronald Weasly made the mistake of peeking at his best friend Harry Potter one to many times and couldn't surpress something like a snicker. He was trying to pay attention which was always a good idea in Snape`s potion class if you didn`t fancy spending the evening down here again due to some detention and that was for sure not the case with him. Probably for nobody.  
  
He looked around and his eyes rested on his friend Hermoine Granger. Well maybe she. Usually she was busy taking notes as Snape drooned on about the potion of the week but right now she sat in her chair next to a slowly panicing Neville Longbottom, her half raised quill spilling dark color on her parchment and seemed to be lost in thoughts. No dreams. Her eyes seemed to follow the tall and dark clad form of Snape through the room and a dreamy smile lit her features.  
  
Shuddering the red haired boy turned his head again to Harry. It looked like she was sorrowly enjoying herself but not really because of the gained knowledge these two hours meant but because she actually enjoyed seeing Snape.  
  
_How sick is that?_

 Snape was mean, always trying to deduct points from Gryffindor and his hair was greasy. What could Hermione possibly see in this old git?  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
`Why had she never noticed?` was all the while rambling through Hermione`s head. Noticed how handsome her potion teacher was. How much the black hair and wardrobe complimented his pale skin and how tall he actually was. How much his dark eyes seemed to invite you to sink deeper and deeper.......  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
„Miss Granger!" He tried to give his voice a most intimidating sneer to get the obviously deep in thoughts girl to notice him  
  
Startled brown eyes and a quick blush was an indication that he had been successful. Merlin, the girl was most infuriating at times. And what was she looking at? She couldn't be possibly looking at him with these dreamy far away expression?  
  
„Mis Granger, while I understand that maybe the subtle art of potion making maybe down right boring for some dunderheads I would appreciate if you at least appeared like you pay attention. Having to ask you a simple question more than three times is a clear indication that you are not." His breath was warming her left ear as he hissed. „Twenty points from Gryffindor for not paying attention."  
  
As he turned away from her table he almost thought he saw her shudder and then it appeared again- the dreamy smile directly into his direction.This know-it-all can`t be looking at me. She wouldn`t, surely. Would she?  
  
Another quick glance told him she was. What was he to do about this girl? Should he talk with her? Confront her with the suspicion that the she had a crush on him. She was only 17 so and so far; not many girls had fallen for him- at least no students. Try as he might he wanted to make it as easy for her as possible. Why was that? She was a Gryffindor. Why did he, Head of Slytherin, care?


	2. Chapter Two

**The Crush – Part Two**

By Snapesgirl1981

Note: Just wantend to say thanks for the first review. I rated it R because there is going to be sex later in the story- just not while she is 15. I didn't want to change the rating later. That's all. Sorry that the chapters are so short. I try to write longer ones next time.

It was a couple of weeks later right after christmas. Hermione was still her dreamy thoughtfull self, Snape seemed even meaner than usual, deducting house points for basically everything these days ( Fred had suggested it was probably because the potion master hated christmas and made them pay for his crappy mood ) and Ron was watching his best friend more closely these days. It really seemed like Hermione Granger, lover of books and late night studies in the library was interested in Snape of all people!

When he tried to talk about it with Harry the brunette boy seemed clueless. Ron cornered him in the dormitory catching him just before a quidditch practise. The other boy seemed reluctant to even discuss the matter.

"What would make you even suggest such a thing! Hermione is definitly not in love with Professor Snape."

Ron lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I tell you Harry- there's definitely looking on her part. She looses more and more points in every potion class because she is not even paying attention. And what's worse- she doesn't even care. There was a time when loosing points would have been a major tragedy for her."

Sighing Harry turned around with his broomstick in his hand and walked to the door.

"I still don't see it. Why would that necessarily mean she is in love with Snape? It could be all kinds of things that are bothering her. Maybe she is in love with somebody else?"

Ron shock is head viciously.

"You should see her face Harry! She looks at him like he is the center of her universe and everybody is noticing. I bet even Snape has noticed by now. And she doesn't care."

It was clear from Harry's expression that he wanted to leave but then again this was obviously bothering Ron quite a bit.

"Okay. Even if she was interested in Snape that way- and I am not saying that she is- why would that bother you so much? It's possibly just a crush. And Snape would never in a hundred years respond to that kind of attention. Not from a Gryffindor. Not from Hermione."

"But can't you see it's plain sick! Snape is not only Head of Slytherin but he is- Snape. Evil, sneering, greasy Snape. He hates her, at least once a lesson he insults her one way or other. What would she be seeing in him?"

Harry had a pretty good idea what Hermione saw in Snape but had no intention to tell Ron. 

"Are you in love with her Ron?"

The red haired boy looked almost disgusted.

"No. I love Mione sure but in love? Are you loosing your mind Harry? I am just worried!"

Harry believed him. As usual Ron tried to protect Hermione.

"Let her be Ron. She will come around. There is no way in hell Severus Snape would ever fall for a Gryffindor."

The boys shared a quick grin and then left the room together to go to training.

_[ Sorry__ for the akward formatting in the first chapter. That happens when you use a text file and don't bother checking out how it looks online. Hope this is better. Please tell me what you think. ] _


	3. Capter Three

**The Crush – Part Three**

The library was quiet this afternoon. No wonder so since it was the first days of spring with actual sunshine outside and almost everybody was out there relaxing somwhere on the Hogwarts grounds. Almost everybody except Hermione. She was sitting in the back of the library next to the restricted section her head burried in a thick old book about sleep potions with several others still on the table in front of her. The only thing you could see was her bushy brown head and every now and then she scribbled notes furiously on a sheet of paper. The only other person in the library leaned against a book shelf nearby and watched the girl with something bordering on amusement.

Which was rare for Severus Snape, Potion Master and Head of Slytherin, and generelly considered evil by all students- and some of the teachers. He was wearing as usual his black robe which made his skin in contrast seem even paler. 

_Typically Gryffindor know-it-all._

It was the first day without rain and the only persons in the castle were professors. Every student was outside probably causing all kinds of mischief he was sure. Why was she here still working? She had top marks in all her classes- even in potions so he tried in vain to change that. Every assignment that she handed in was flawless, every potion she brew was perfect and even all her answers were accurate. The only way he could deduct points fom her was when she helped this totally talentless boy Neville Longbottom or for 'showing off'. It was quite frustrating most of the time and if he was really honest with himself, which mostly he wasn't, he admired her. She was clearly one of the brighest students in Hogwarts in years and the real  problem was not that she was Gryffindor. No truly not. Even so possibly nobody knew it Severus Snape could even respect a brilliant mind in another house. Had done so in the past. The reason why he disliked her so much was not even Potter. Even so he sincerely disliked the boy and his sidekick Weasly. He might have been able to live with that.

No it was the girl herself. She was not only smart but also a decent person. The way she smiled could lit up even the dungeons when she stepped into the classroom there. The way he just knew she was looking at him with barely concealed sympathy. And compassion. Nobody was allowed to pity Severus Snape. She was probably the only person except Dumbledore who thought that he was a good person inside. He both dreaded the mornings he had her in class and longed for them. 

He hated it.

Shifting his weight from one leg to the other he tried to make out what book she was reading. Tilting his head to the side he read the title. Sleep potions? So she was studying for his class tomorrow. He had given them an assignment about the differences in sleeping potions and the possibly anitdotes which no doubt would be done sloppy by most and give him the oppurtunity to give out bad marks to no end. But of course not Hermiones Granger. No she was sitting here preparing the assignment with her usual care. It would be perfect again.

How he hated it.

With grace he moved a couple of steps to her table until he stood directly in front of the girl without her noticing. He carefully sat down opposite from her and leaned back. Still she was engrossed in the book and had stopped taking notes.

That was possibly the worst about Ms Granger. She was sincerely interested in the sublject. She wasn't only working to get good marks but because she enjoyed the lessons.

He sighed softly wondering again why she wasn't out there with Potter and Weasly creating no doubt chaos.

The soft sound was enough for Hermione in the silence of the room to drop her book soundly in surprise. Her eyes scanned the room alarmed and then rested on the professor sitting on her table.

"Professor Snape?" Her voice was high and she tried to hide her shaking hands under the table.

As usual the professor noticed.

"Ms Granger." He let the word linger in the room to scare her a bit more. "Tell me why are inside here when everybody else is not?" His voice sounded silken with a bit of amusement thrown in.

The girl blushed and looked down.

"I had to finish my assignment Professor."

Snape grinned devilishly. "Twenty points from Gryffindor."

"Why?" Her eyes flew back to him and he saw a flicker of anger in them.

Snape sneered and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Because you were slow. You should have been able to finish it before. Since all your classmates are outside I figure they have already done so. I deduct the points for laziness."

Now the flicker had turned into a raging fire.

"But the date to finish it was tomorrow. How can you deduct for that?"

His voice was soft like a caress.

"Because I can."

Without looking at her he got up and made a few steps. Then her voice held him back. It was soft as if not meant for his ears.

"Why do you hate me so?"

He slowly turned around and to his horror he saw tear in her eyes. Covering his emotions behind the mask of the evil bastart he sneered at her.

"Because you are you Ms Granger. That is the only reason I need."

With that he left and the tears began to fall freely down he cheeks now.

"I love you for the same reason." 

Outside Severus Snape leaned against the door frame and listend to the girl crying inside. One phrase repeating itself over and over in his mind.

_I love you for the same reason._

The stupid girl. 

_[ Okay__ that was rather angsty I think but it's getting more fluffy next chapter. I think they are ready for some snopping don't you think. ]_


	4. Chapter Four

**The Crush – Part Four**

A/N: First of all thanks for the reviews. You are all so nice and it encourages me to no end to write more.

Danric-Lover: Just wait and see. It will be revealed in one the next chapters.

Professor-Hermione-Snape: Thanks so much. It's my first fic to that means the world to me. I was always afraid I might write one person to OOC.

Delirium-86: Thanks honey so much and I am glad you like it. And you know evil mysterious Snape- he is not going to make things easy on the poor Hermione.

J.S.Summer: Hope this format suits you better. Thanks for making me notice anyway.

The next morning at breakfast Hermione was silent to say the best. Her eyes looked puffy and red and she sat over her plate not touching one bite. She had worked all night in the library on her potion assignment and had gone straight to her room this morning to shower. All through the night she had broke out into tears remembering the harsh words and the expression in her professor's eyes- clear disgust. He hated her and not because of anything she could change but because she was herself.

Harry noticed her sullen expression but chose to not comment on it. From experience he knew that Hermione would talk with him when she felt ready and to push her meant only to make her angry without reason. But he was worried by now since Parvati had told him that Hermione had been in the library all night and only returned this morning.

A quick glance to the head table showed him that Snape looked not his usual self as well. He hadn't touched his fool and cast blazing glares to everybody. The morning would start with potion classes and Harry inwardly groaned. Snape with a good mood was already hell. This way he would surely get detention for something like breathing. He had a feeling that Snape's bad mood had something to do with Hermione's puffy eyes. But what exactly he could not tell.

In that moment Snape looked into their direction and as usual his eyes darkend when he saw Harry. Well that resentiment went both ways Harry thought. But then something really weird happened. Snape looked at the sunken figure of Hermione and something entered his eyes. Something like compassion. But within seconds it was gone and he looked defiantly into Harry's green eyes his dark depth filled with anger. 

Neither Snape nor Harry noticed Albus Dumbledore's concerned look into Hermione's direction and the amusement that filled his eyes when they rested on his potion master.

After breakfast Ron and Harry had to push Hermione to make her get up and follow them to the dungeons. Even Ron didn't comment on her untypical behaviour and simply cast worried glances her way. They made the way in silence until the reached the door to the classroom. For a moment it looked as if Hermione hesitated to enter but then her shouldered straightened and she followed Ron through the door.

Snape was already there leaning against his desk his eyes resting above the students heads somewhere on the backwall of the room. He appeared like he was severely bored and only Harry noticed the quick glance into their direction.

The lesson began shortly after with Snape giving them instruction on how to brew one particalur sleep potion and everybody was taking notes. Everybody except Hermione. She sat in her chair and looked nervously into Snape's direction. He didn't comment on it neither did he comment on the fact that she clearly wasn't paying attention. He drooned on and on without looking into the Gryffindor's direction once. Especially Neville seemed to be relieved and was even able to arrange his ingredients in a correct manner.

Slowly the tension left Hermione's body and from sheer exhaustion she fell asleep right on her desk burrying her face in her arms. Harry and Ron were so busy taking notes that they failed to recognize until Snape's look fell on them and darkend.

"Mr Potter. Maybe you want to wake up Ms Granger so she can join us in the joy of brewing that potion." His voice dripped with sarcasm but the normal venom was missing. He didn't even deduct points for falling asleep.

Harry gently shock Hermione awake and helped her with her ingredients. Strangely Snape didn't comment on it once due to the fact that he seemed to ignore them at all. He sat behind his desk marking papers while they worked on their cauldrons.

More and more frequently Harry glanced at Hermione with worry. She wasn't paying attention, simply adding the ingredients in the order they lay there, her eyes fixed on a point somewere above the professor's head. Harry was pretty busy since he not only had to help Hermione but keep Neville from blowing up his cauldron. Usually when they were finished they tried out their potions since Snape mostly had an anitdote ready but today he had announced that they would simply brew them and were not to try them. It was most surely due to that why Harry heard a slump all in a sudden and when he turned around he saw Hermiones laying next to her cauldron bleeding from her head.

"Professor Snape!" Harry knelt down besides his best friend and was soon joined by the potion master.

"What happened here?" Snape's voice sounded like he would loose his temper in a second.

"She tried the potion." 

Snape glared at him. "I told you not to."

Harry simply shrugged his shoulders not knowing what to say in Hermione's defence and confronted with Snape's anger.

After checking that besides the small cut on her head she was alright and only sleeping Snape looked up and the snickering from the Slytherins stopped at his furious glare.

"Malfoy. Tonight seven o'clock you can look forward to two hours detention. All of you leave now so that I can brew the antidote to wake up Ms Granger. Leave!"

Hurriedly the students fled the room to not get another detention.

Sighing Snape picked up Hermione, tried not to notice how she snuggled to his chest and carried her through the door into his private chambers. He crossed his living room and stepped into his bedroom which was of course completely black. Gently he laid Hermione down on his satin sheets and tried to make her at least somewhat comfortable. It would take him over two hours to brew the antidote and for some reason he wanted her to feel good in that time. 

He got some ointment from his bedside table and applied it on the girl's head instantly closing the cut. He hesitated but then got up. No use in kneeling here longer when he should brew that potion. 

In the doorway he looked back on the girl and groaned. She had curled up hugging one of his pillows and her hair was spread out on his bed. She looked like an angel. Absolutely breathtaking.

_You old foolish bastard! _

She would never be his, not when she was a student and not even sixteen yet and surely not later when she would leave Hogwarts to forget all about a pityful excuse for an Ex-Death Eater and Potion Master. Best not to dwell on it.

But somehow he knew that that would be almost impossible.

_[ Oh_ what possibilties. Hermione in Snape's bed and he next door brewing a potion. I decided that I  allow them to sex before she turns sixteen. Time turner and all Hermione really is and all of you who are bothered by that can leave right now. ]__


	5. Chapter Five

**The Crush – Part Five**

A/N: You are really lucky. I am bored today and in a mood to write. So here already the 5th chapter and the third I wrote today. Hope you like and please as always you are very welcomed to review.

It took Professor Snape over two and a half hours to brew the correct antidote to Ms Granger's sleeping potion. He would swear later that it was because he had to get some ingredients from the nearby hospital wing but in reality it was because he found himself standing in the doorway to his bedroom a couple of times staring at the girl as she slept.

Finally he added the last ingredient, some simple lavender, and filled some of the potion into a vile carrying it to the sleeping girl. Again he hesitated kneeling next to her on the floor.

He called himself all kinds of fools but still he remained kneeling there and looked into her face now partly hidden from her curly hair. In sleep she looked relaxed and almost a bit like she was contently smiling. Her cheeks were flushed for some reason and she had turned in her sleep so she was facing him now instead of hugging the pillow like she had done before. 

Tentatively he put his hand on her cheek and almost instantly pulled it back. Her skin was warm and so soft like you were touching the purest of silk. Her cheeks felt smooth and almost against his will he touched her again this time lingering there. His senses were in overload from this simple physical contact and he put the vile on his bedside table using his other hand to tangle in her hair.

The hair was soft and he brushed some of it off her face delighting in seeing her neck. It was creamy white and bowed down to a wonderful curved collarbone. Having completely forgotten the antidote Severus could only follow his heart since his mind had called an angry good-bye after he had completely ignored it. He bend down a bit and the faint scent of vanilla and orange drifted into his nostrils and as he closed his eyes his senses were over washed with the way she felt and smelled. 

After what felt like an eternity he opened his eyes and could only wonder why he had never noticed how peaceful it looked when she breathed in and out and how sensual her chest moved up and down. Softly chuckling he cupped her cheek and bend towards her only one thought registering in his mind.

_I want to taste her._

Without thought his lips carefully brushed against her soft cheek and again he lingered. Somewhere inside obviously his brain had decided to come back and was raging. But he hadn't finished this yet. Now that he had the chance he wanted to taste her completely. He wanted to know how it felt to kiss her. He knew he had no chance in real life but he would use this once in a lifetime chance the fates had blessed him with.

With the slightest of movements he moved to her lips and slowly as if not to wake her he lowered his mouth on hers. The jolt that went through him was pure bliss and he could even taste some peppermint in her mouth. It felt like all his senses were focusing on this little point were their lips met and he almost died of a heart attack when she slightly moved her lips in sync with his. If he hadn't been so distracted he might had realized when Hermione opened her eyes and the tiny movement in her body as she adjusted to his lips.

Severus knew that something wasn't the way it was supposed to be but then when she opened her lips granting him entrance to her mouth he quickly lost that thought. Following his character her took possession of the kiss and passionately moved his lips above hers caving inside her mouth with his tongue exploring each and every corner of it. All Hermione could do under this assault was to surrender to it and be swept away by a wave of passion and love. In this moment heaven was only a fraction away.

A splintering sound interrupted the complete absence of reason and the two pulled apart. In his haste to cover her body with his Severus had pulled down the vile and splashed the content on the floor.

Looking into his eyes Hermione saw a hundred things mixed together. The passion she had just felt, horror at what he had done but also barely concealed disgust.

"Out." His voice was quiet but it shock with rage.

For a moment Hermione considered simply pulling him back but a look into his now stormy eyes told her that this was indeed the easiest way to make him snap now.

_What was I thinking. That he loved me, had feelings for me? He hates you and will always do so and this was just- lust._

Tears were again threatening to fall and without another word she scrambled of the bed and stormed out of the room.

For a whole minute he stared at the space where she had just laid on the bed beneath him and then he furiously took up the vile and smashed it against the wall. 

_Fear had been in her eyes. Of course what else. It probably scared her to death that you took advantage of her like this. If she had a fragment of a feeling for you now it is destroyed. You old foolish idiot. _

And then before he felt the hot tears in his eyes he sprang up and left the dungeons as well storming through the corridors.

_Damn her to hell! Damn her for making me feel! Damn her for turn my heart from stone to flesh and damn her for making me hurt like this!_

_[Hm… this is getting quite a bit more angsty than I had planned but I can only blame my muse. Had no idea that I was in such a dark mood today. ;) I just thought about something. Is there something like a rule on ff.net that you are not allowed to write sexual contact including minors? If so then of course they are not having sex but hell I would love to give them a happy. ] _


	6. Chapter Six

**The Crush – Part Six**

A/N: I realized something this afternoon about the mean unfeeling Severus and felt that this was needed to stay in character for him. It might be indeed very mature behaviour for Hermione and if it helps you at all please make Hermione two years older. I won't mention the age myself again since I feel she has to be older to act like this. Enjoy

It took Severus almost six hours of storming through the Forbidden Forest to calm down enough to at least feel like he could face Dumbledore or any other person. By now most of the afternoon had passed and some of the students were again outside sitting in groups or chasing each other on broomsticks through the air. Whenever Snape passed a group of students conversation halted and the children drew together as even more afraid of the man's temper than usual. He looked a dark dangerous figure as he walked through the grounds until he reached the entrance and disappeared in the Entrance Hall. The few students who were lounging there hurriedly moved away and left the building.

He reached the dungeons with the full intention of locking himself in there and working on some potions he had left to do and then go to Dumbledore and apologize for the missed classes this morning. He had to have the second year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws before lunch but had missed the class due to his little visit to the Forest. Closing the door behind him he sighed and warded the entrance stepping into his living area. The chimney was out and it was almost completely black inside the room. Since his Death Eater times he had lost all traces of fear of darkness and had excellent vision even in the darkest of places. Actually he preferred darkness to bright light always feeling like this was where he belonged, the place he had earned himself after all these years. Hidden in dusty dungeon away from people's affection and presence all alone and suffering. Because indeed inside Severus was suffering. He was alone and aware of it. He welcomed the loneliness and the coldness because he knew he deserved it. It was the only other possibility to suicide- atoning. He had told Dumbledore so on that cold morning many years ago, the morning he had changed sides and crossed the line. The old man had given him another way out than to just kill himself, to turn spy for him and his Order and try to redeem himself someday. He had long since understood that someday would never be.

It was due to the lack of light in the room and his brooding while he filled himself a glass with firewhiskey that he didn't recognize the small person curled up into a ball on his couch next to the fireplace. She was watching him out of her hazel brown eyes with a tender gaze that spoke of longing and love. 

When he took out his wand to light the fire he heard a slight shuffling as if somebody was moving and you heard the friction of the clothes against each other. With the excellent vision came a good hearing as well. In a second he froze and slowly turned around. Before she spoke he had recognized her and a cold look crossed his features.

"I was worried about you." Her voice sounded soft and almost as if she wanted to apologize for it.

For a moment he was completely stunned. For the life of him after his behaviour this morning he couldn't understand a reaction like this. She took his silence as reproach.

"I know I am not supposed to be here but I couldn't go to Dumbledore without further explanation so I instead came here and waited for you."

"You haven't told Dumbledore about the-" He hesitated slightly but then continued. "-incident this morning?"

She shook her head and then remembering the darkness she uttered a small "No".

Again he was stunned into silence. There were not many people who were able to make him speechless. Dumbledore was one of them, Voldemort and his father. But that was many years ago and these days he kept quiet with Voldemort for completely different reasons. And it seemed that somebody else had entered that list- Hermione Granger.

"Why not?" It sounded sharper than he wanted but it was his usual way of defence- attack.

She shrugged but then added almost inaudible. "I didn't want to get you into trouble."

Slowly as if not to scare her after his behaviour this morning he moved to the couch and after a short hesitation sat down next to her. Carefully he picked up her tiny hand and had to suppress a smile when she blushed. She was blushing so ferociously that he could even see it in complete darkness. It reminded him how young and innocent she was. He vowed to not forget this again over his own passion and lust.

"But I should be in trouble Hermione." His voice for once was smooth and tender without any trace of sarcasm and venom.

She shuddered as he used her first name for the first time ever. His voice send shivers down her back and slowly she turned her body towards him, squared her shoulders and said what she come here to say in the first place.

"No you don't. It wasn't only your fault, I was responding. I liked the kiss and I wanted you to kiss me and even more this morning because I have fallen for you so deeply that I don't even care if you deduct a hundred points from Gryffindor right now and give me detention for the rest of my time here at Hogwarts."

Slowly the features of Severus Snape turned into an almost awkward smile as if they had forgotten how to do that over the years. Without realizing it he began to caress her hand with his thumb and she moved into his body a bit more. His resolve was weakening dangerously but he found he couldn't care less.

"You silly girl." The silken voice passed her ear like a breeze of wind caressing the skin there. "What do you want me to do now?" He looked honestly clueless.

Carefully Hermione stretched out her hand and softly touched his stubby cheek.

"Love me." It was almost a whisper but it had the effect that all blood in his voice moved south and his heart was beating like thunder in his ears.

He knew it was wrong on so many levels, he knew that he could very well loose his job over this and he knew that tomorrow he would probably regret this but right now in this moment it felt like the only right thing in his life. She had turned his heart from the stone prison he had transformed it many years ago when he had received the mark on his arm into flesh already but only in this moment Hermione Granger sealed his final switch of sides to the light because she made it beat again. He felt the blood pump through it and all kinds of emotions and impressions tumbled down on him. Tears had begun to form in the hollow depth of his eyes for the first time in almost two centuries moistening his cheeks. It felt almost surreal and when she hugged him close to her warm body and locked her arms behind his neck burying his head on her chest he let the flood of tears come loose and cried silently for the failure that was his life, for the hundreds of death he had taken, the countless women he had raped and the atrocities he had committed. Regret and sorrow combined with the most enormous pain possible pumped through him washing away the self loathing and hate.

She uttered nonsense words into his ears and gently stroked his back with soothing hands all the time holding him close to her as if afraid he might disappear in a moment. She knew that he wouldn't kiss her tonight and she knew that he would probably never thank her for this moment but still she understood at least partly what it meant for her potions teacher. 

Softly she pressed her lips to his head as he had fallen asleep after almost an hour and put a blanket on his body.

"Good night Severus." She stood for a moment longer in the doorway and then after putting the wards down left the dungeons.

_[ I really and seriously considered letting it end here but that was just evil me coming out of her cell. Of course I won't be that mean but I realized that if you want to stay in character you had to let Severus come to some kind of peace with his past or he would never be able to feel love for somebody else. So there is some more angst ahead but we are slowly heading into much happier territory. As always please review. ]_


	7. Chapter Seven

**The Crush – Part Seven**

A/N: So just so you know that takes place in Hermione's seventh year and not in her fifth year. I told you why I changed the timeframe and I am deeply sorry for any trouble that is causing you. I can only blame the fact that when I start writing a story the muse takes over and she is a real bitch at times.

To my wonderful reviewers: Wow thanks so much for your kind words. You know how to really flatter me into stunned silence. I just wanted you to know that I pick up all your suggestions. I decided I am not good with smut so I leave it to the experts to write detailed sex scenes. If mentioned at all the sex is only implied (like in older movies- when the good stuff started the picture faded out). Sorry for those who love the juicy part.

I wanted to finish this soon but I decided to let the angst go on a bit longer. I love angst so much- both reading it and writing it. I try to stick true to the characters as much as possible but then again this is a part in their journey that hasn't been covered by the books. We'll see.

Ehm… yeah the century thing was a mistake. Terribly sorry… of course it was meant to be decades. You got me girl and I am blushing furiously here.

Please continue the nice reviews and the creative juices will keep flowing. You will get at least one chapter a day this way.

Breakfast the next day was a difficult moment for Hermione but when she entered the Great Hall Severus Snape was missing from the Head Table. He didn't appear for the whole breakfast and after that she had no time to think about it because her classes begun and now that they were fast approaching their Finals it was even more work. But always when she shad a second she couldn't help but let her thoughts wander to the Potion Master.

After some thinking she had decided that yesterday he had probably felt emotions for the first time in a very long while and that had been a bit much. But before he had broke out into tears there had been a point where she had seen love in his eyes and she was intending to head to the dungeons later and find out what exactly that meant. They had only something like eight weeks left and then she was no longer a student any. Then she would be free for Severus if only he would take her. 

Sighing she turned her attention to the needle in front trying to turn it into something that resembled at least a sword. So far with little success. Harry was watching her failing to accomplish something she had done a hundred times.

"Everything okay?" He sounded worried.

Hermione grimaced. "Yeah sure. Just some problems here." She cleared her mind from Severus Snape and turned the object into a silver sword with red rubies.

When they left the classroom Harry caught up to her for once without Ron.

"Can I talk with you Hermione?"

The girl nodded and together they went to the now deserted Gryffindor common room. Since it was lunchtime almost everybody was in the Hall eating.

When they arrived there the green eyed boy looked at his best friend seriously and sat down next to her on a small couch.

"Mione you know that if you have any problem what so ever you can talk with me right?"

Hermione slowly nodded not willing to share anything so far with Harry regarding the events of last night in the dungeons.

"I just noticed in the last weeks that you were behaving quite differently from usual and it got me a bit worried. It doesn't matter what it's about or who is involved - I promise you I won't judge it. Or you." When she nodded again he sighed. "Okay I can see it in your eyes that you won't tell now but please know that whenever you need a friendly advice or just somebody to be there you can always come to me okay?"

In this moment the first smile since she had gotten up this morning lit Hermione's face. 

"I know Harry. But I am okay for now."

He nodded and smiled gently at her. 

Severus Snape paced the dungeons after classes this morning. Strangely Dumbledore hadn't wanted to hear about the missed classes the yesterday. He had only shook his head and mumbled something about 'I am sure you had your reasons Severus' and had vanished. He had stayed in his private lab the whole time trying to find a way to tell his heart that just because it was beating again it wasn't allowed to wish for things impossible to come true.

Like Hermione Granger.

Sighing he tried to concentrate on grading some papers and not to dwell on the lovely girl.

Cursing he threw his quill against the wall and heard a high pitched squeak. Turning around he saw the girl he had just been thinking about standing in the doorframe looking a bit hesitant.

"Ehm…. Do you want me to come back later?" 

He looked at her thoughtful but shook his head and gestured her to enter. At one wave of his wand the door closed.

"What can I do for you Ms Granger?" He tried to make his voice sound casual and bare of any emotion and he managed surprisingly well.

"Are you feeling alright Professor?" The expression of worry on her face appeared honest.

"Why shouldn't I?" His voice sounded cold but he really wanted her to leave him alone. He suffered enough as it was. A man of his kind with his past was surely not a suitable partner for a beautiful, talented, bright minded young student. 

"Well after last night I wasn't sure…-"

"Ms Granger, about last night I wanted to remark a few things." He knew now came the part where he had to make sure he wasn't looking into her eyes. Everywhere but at those deep hazel depths and he was alright. "First of all I might have given you the impression that my character for some reason has changed. That is not true. I will deduct house points from you and you will still get detention. I have a certain opinion about Gryffindors in general Ms Granger and that hasn't changed at all. I was always proud to be Slytherin and shall always feel that way. Our relationship is a purely professional one and it will remain that way. Have you understood me Ms Granger?"

Her face had paled with every word but she still nodded. How could she have been so blind? Why would anything change at all? Clearly she had caught her potion master in a strange mood last night and today he was again his evil, sneering self. And she would still be the old know-it-all she had always been for him and he would never see her as anything else.

Without another word she got up since he wasn't even looking at her. Surely he wanted to spare her at least the disgust she was sure that was to find in his eyes right now. She had made a total fool of herself. 

_Too late to worry now Granger._

Before she had reached the door she heard his voice again. Cold and silken as always but this time almost threatening.

"I hope you understand that I would appreciate it if anything concerning yesterday could be kept privately."

Without turning she nodded and uttered a muffled 'Of course'. Then she fled the room before he could see one of the tears in her eyes.

_[Okay so this is where we are now: He loves her but thinks he is not good enough for her. She still loves him but is convinced he changed his mind. I can only say again that this will have a happy ending. At the moment it's too much fun so to make it easy for the two. I am always open for suggestions._

_BTW: I really need a dependable, willing beta who wants to read my stories.  I totally agree on that one but I havn't found anyone so far. So if you want to apply for the job please email me or leave a review. I would be eternelly grateful.]_


	8. Chapter Eight

**The Crush – Part Eight**

A/N: Definite warning for this chapter. Very dark topic, graphic description of injury and if you want to, keep your tissues ready okay? Now I know why I rated it R.

The next four weeks passed almost in a haze. Hermione was busy preparing for her exams and studied almost night and day whenever she had a minute to spare. Sometimes she was able to drag Ron and Harry along but if they were busy she went alone to the library. For hours she sat there her nose in a book only interrupting when she had classes or one of the boys reminded her that there were things like meal times and sleep. 

Contrary to what everybody believed it wasn't purely the fear of failing the exams keeping her in the library but mostly the fear of having one moment to herself in which the horrible truth that she would never be anything other than a student to Severus Snape would have to be faced. So she worked so much that she slept never more than three hours and fell asleep as soon as her body touched the bed.

The potion classes were worst. Professor Snape kept to his word and treated her like he had always done. He was still ill tempered and these days even his Slytherin students were in danger of getting detention. The only thing that had changed was that Hermione never raised her hand again in potion class. When he asked her a question she answered without looking up.

It was one evening and Hermione was still in the library buried in a book about some ancient goblin battle when she suddenly felt a slight breeze caressing her ear. She remembered feeling something quite similar at one time with the potion master but quickly chased away that thought. There was no window in the library and the door to the hallway was still closed so she wondered where the air had come from.

Again she felt the soft tickle against her neck and this time she made out a very faint mumbling. As she strained to understand she realized that the door to the restricted section was leaning open and a soft light was bathing the inside into a warm cosy shimmering.

There- she held her breath to make out the words and then she heard them.

_"Hermione."_ It was whispering her name!

But why and who was whispering? It sounded almost tentative as if the other one was not sure she would even hear him or if she wanted to listen. But there was an urgency in the voice, something bordering on desperation and it was filled with more pain than Hermione had ever known could exist in one person alone.

"Yes." Her voice trembled and she felt a bit stupid whispering back in the empty dark library but something inside told her to answer. 

_Probably my Gryffindor curiosity. Snape would love this._

Quickly turning her thoughts into another direction and ignoring the sharp feeling of regret washing over here at the thought of his name she waited for an answer.

_"Go inside."_

For some reason she knew that the restricted section was meant. Even so there were probably thousand reasons why she should ignore the voice she got up and without picking up her things stepped into the restricted section. The light came from one of the back rows where she knew the darkest volumes Hogwarts possessed were locked away and none of the teachers were even allowed to read them. You had to get an official permission by Dumbledore to get access.

When she reached the row to her surprise the shelves were open and the glow came from one of the books. With trembling hands Hermione gripped the book and slowly began to open it. It was a very old volume, leather-bound and without a title, and for some reason she felt as if it was talking to her. This time she heard the voice a bit better and for a moment she thought she knew who it was. But then the knowledge had passed and she shrugged it away.

_"Open it."_

She opened the cover completely and felt the strangest sensation, a felling like being pulled into a thunderstorm. It felt a bit like travelling with floo powder did. No it felt exactly like travelling with floo powder. But there was no chimney and no powder.

And then she was outside. Soft wind blew through her hair and she felt goose pumps on her arm when she saw where she was. In the distance she saw the shimmering silhouette of Hogwarts- she was standing outside the Hogwarts grounds! Somehow the book had teleported her here.

It was a very dark night without even a flicker of star light. The moon was covered completely by clouds and it felt almost like it would be raining soon. The air was humid and if you strained your ear you could hear far away a rumbling of thunder.

Then she saw the figure and heard the voice again- this time clearer than ever.

_"Help me."_

And then she recognized the voice which had sounded so familiar. If it hadn't been filled with so much pain maybe she would have recognized it sooner but there was no mistaking it now that it caressed her like the silken touch of satin. It was the voice of no other than Severus Snape, Potion Master at Hogwarts.

Hurriedly she ran to the figure lying nearby and to her horror it was indeed the potion master. He was covered in bruises and cuts, with blood flowing freely and soaking the grass beneath him. His robe was shredded and his hair looked like it had been burned at some places. The only thing she saw in the semi-darkness was that he looked paler than ever and that he was left here to die. Nobody would be out here till next morning and by then he was sure to be dead.

Carefully she touched his shoulder with her hand and he flinched. He curled even tighter into a ball and the breathing grew more ragged. She had to do something or he would die. She had to get him into the castle. But how? She couldn't carry him that far and she had to get him to the hospital wing fast or he was gone forever.

That made up her mind. She didn't have her apparating licence so far but she knew how to do it. Of course she had no practice but it simply had to work.

Slowly she bent down and cupped his bruised cheek. After a couple of seconds he stopped shivering and then she slowly caressed the soft skin. She had to wake him up somehow because he had to apparate himself. She could direct it for him but he had to make the initial effort.

"Professor Snape? Severus?" He stirred and she gasped when he opened his eyes. They were completely blank like he was not even seeing her. Severus Snape was blind!

"Hermione? Is that you?"

Gulping down tears and saving them for later she gently bend down and breathed a kiss down on his slowly blue colouring cheek. 

"Yes it's me. I am going to help you Severus." Her voice was quivering and she noticed that she had to hurry or she would be in a complete state of shock without being able to do anything besides crying probably.

He tried to raise his hands as if he wanted to verify for himself that she was really there and that was the moment she saw that his hands, the pride of the glorious potion master, the hands with which he brewed potions to perfection, were broken in almost every place possible. Then she saw the part of his arm where the dark mark had been as he uncovered it by raising the hand a little. It was gone, burned out only leaving a dark, bloody whole. She felt like she was going to be physically sick in a moment.

"Severus, can you apparate yourself?"

His face turned into a pained grimace but he nodded.

"Yes. But I am not sure how far." The breathing grew even more laboured as the hand fell back down to the ground.

"You don't have to do it very far. We are outside Hogwarts and I have to get you to the hospital wing." The tears were beginning to fall now but why hold them back? He couldn't see her anyhow.

"Outside Hogwarts. What are you doing here at such a time?" A bit of the old ice crept into his voice reminding her of the professor.

"You called me." As it seemed like he wanted to protest she interrupted him. She had noticed his lips turning more and more violet and that his skin appeared completely without any blood. "But we have to hurry. I touch you at your shoulder and we apparate okay?"

He nodded obviously very tired without even trying to argue with her. That worried her more than anything.

Determinedly she softly touched him at his shoulder that looked like it was smashed and closed her eyes. She tried to imagine the hospital wing to get them there safely. It was more difficult to apparate inside than outside.

"Say the destination out loud. That usually helps." His dark eyes were for once without any trace of sarcasm or venom. Before she could close her eyes again he raised his hand again touching her leg as she knelt next to him. "In case I forget it later or don't have the chance to say it for some reason: I didn't mean what I said in my chamber. I can't stop thinking about you Hermione and only to protect you from me and my life have I restraint from talking to you. You mean more to me than my own life, more than anybody has for a long time." He closed his eyes then and softly said: " Now or I won't make it!"

And with that she closed her now tear filled eyes letting the moisture trailing down her cheek and with a strong 'Hospital wing' they disappeared from the clearing.

_[Wow- it's amazing where a story takes you if you just let it stroll around. I wanted to write a make-up scene in the library and see where we are now. Should I let him die or live? Hm… tricky one really. What'cha thinking? Reviews please] _


	9. Chapter Nine

**The Crush – Part Nine**

A/N: Again I have received wonderful feedback for this story and nobody can imagine what that means for me. I write this story for your entertainment and mine of course but I publish it for others to read. Praise (and boy there was enough of that ;) and criticism is both welcomed especially when I make so horrible mistakes like the last ones that have been pointed out. Thanks for not flaming so.

Of course the remark of the two centuries was a mistake but I simply confused the two words century and decade. Really embarrassing was the one that was pointed out to me by watcher8. Of course you can't apparate into Hogwarts! I would flame myself if I could. Well I found a way to deal with that mistake and don't ever hesitate to point such crucial mistakes out to me.  

This is beta'd now and I want to say a big thank you to Rachel who took on the job. The story is soo much better than before because of her input.

And in the same moment Severus and Hermione were back in the clearing. Confused, Hermione looked around. Why weren't they inside in the hospital wing?

"You can't apparate into Hogwarts," came Albus Dumbledore's soft voice.

Hermione spun around and looked at the headmaster desperately.

"Please, you have to help me. Professor Snape is injured and if I don't get him to the hospital wing soon he will die."

"I'll take care of that Albus." Minerva McGonagall stepped from behind the headmaster's body and conjuring up a stretcher, carefully placing Snape on it. He was pale as a corpse now and Hermione had no idea if he was still alive. As fast as possible, Professor McGonagall disappeared towards the entrance to the castle.

Dumbledore extended his hand and, like a child, Hermione gripped it tightly wanting to be led for a change. After the last few weeks and the horrible evening she'd had so far, she felt as though she wanted to curl up somewhere and die.

"No need for that Hermione. I am sure Poppy will be able to help him." 

She hadn't realized she said the last thing out loud and blushed.

Slowly the two of them crossed the lawn and stepped into the castle. Instead of going to the hospital wing like she had hoped, Professor Dumbledore led her to the tower where his office was.

_Sure. He wants to know what you were doing outside and how you got there in the first place._

Not knowing really what to do, other than telling the complete truth no matter how impossible it sounded, she sighed as they entered the small, comfortable office and she sank into a chair.

"Lemon drop?" As the girl shook her head he popped one into his mouth and then looked at her gravely.

"Hermione I have to ask you this and I expect an honest answer." After she nodded her affirmation, he continued. "What were you doing outside at this time of the night?"

Somewhere in the back of her mind she noticed that it was almost the same as what Professor Snape had asked her and truthfully she gave Albus the same answer.

"Professor Snape called me." When she saw no disbelief on the headmaster's face she continued, letting her mouth keep going and going. She told him about the late night study session and the voice she had heard, the open restricted section and the whispering book, and how she had found the professor outside on the brink of death. When she began to describe the horrible wounds, tears were streaking down her face and she began to sob after she had described the burned out mark on his left upper arm.

Patiently the old wizard waited until she had collected herself and then handed her a tissue to dry her tears. His eyes looked warm and comforting and she smiled a little.

"As I don't have to tell you that travelling with this book was quite dangerous, I am glad you found Severus. He would be dead if you hadn't heard the call."

"May I ask you a question?"

"Of course." 

"Why did you come out? How did you know we were there?"

Albus Dumbledore smiled now.

"I put the wards up around Hogwarts that prevent apparating. When somebody tries to apparate but fails, I am notified. I even know who tries to apparate inside and when I realized it was you and Severus, I came out instantly."

They were quiet for a moment until Hermione's curiosity got the better of her.

"Who do you think did that to Professor Snape?"

Again the older man looked grave and sighed.  

"There is really only one wizard powerful and cruel enough to do such a thing."

"Voldemort." Hermione's voice shook with anger when she whispered the name.

"Yes I would think so. More even so I know that the mark was burned out. He probably found out that Severus works for the Order of the Phoenix and wanted to make an example of him. He was surely meant to be either dead or at least so gravely injured that he would be of no use to us in the future."

"His hands."

Albus nodded. "Exactly. The hands, the eyes- even if he survives I am afraid that he will be not able to either work as a spy or as a potions master."

Again she felt hot tears of anger and rage in her eyes. Somehow she knew that that would be hard, if not impossible, to take for the Head of Slytherin. Then a wave of compassion overwhelmed her and she had to grip the sides of her chair to not run out immediately. She wanted to be at his side when he woke up. First of all she had to know that he would survive.

"Can I go and wait until he awakes?" 

For a moment the headmaster hesitated but then decided that it was probably a good idea if the girl was at Severus' side when he awoke. He had his own ideas about the two and their relationship, but this was neither the time nor the place to discuss this.

"Alright. I wanted to have a look at him as well, so if you please, follow me."

Together they exited the office leaving Fawkes in his cage where he continued to sleep.

Two hours later Severus still had yet to wake up and slowly horror began to creep into Hermione's heart. What if he never awoke again? What if he just stayed like this without opening his beautiful eyes again? What if the world never heard the biting sarcasm again as Professor Snape held one of his potions classes?

The whole room was dark, only lit by a few candles and a light blue shimmer was coming from one of the cabinets. For a moment she wondered what was inside the cabinet, but then all thoughts about that left her mind as she felt a light squeeze from Snape's right hand, where she had taken his lifeless figures into her warm ones.

Her eyes flew to his face and she saw that now his eyes were open, but still looked horribly blank. Poppy had healed all of his inner wounds and cured most of his broken bones, but even so, she had informed them with a trembling voice that she had no idea how his fingers would look once, and if, they healed. She had given him a healing potion that contained a painkiller and something to make him sleep. 

"Hermione?" His voice still sounded so strained and so lost that she had to push back another round of tears. She had to be the strong one for now.

"Yes, it's me Professor." She squeezed his hand back and before she lost her nerves, she bent down and breathed a kiss on his forehead.

"Then it wasn't a dream. That you were in the clearing."

"No. You called me."

He shook his head. "No. You said that before, but how could I have done that? You were sleeping in your dormitory."

"I was in the library." She felt guilty; he was one of her teachers after all.

"What for?" He sounded firm now, and still kept her hand in his.

"Late night study session."

"What happened?"

She sat down next to his body on the bed and carefully brushed a strand of hair back from his face.

"I heard your voice whispering my name and the restricted section was open. A book there was glowing and as soon as I opened it, I was transferred into the clearing."

He looked worried now.

"A teleporting book? Never knew that we had one in the library here." He paused but then he sounded angry. "That was very foolish to do, Ms Granger. You had no idea who wanted to teleport you; you didn't even know it was a teleporting book. You could have landed anywhere, including many places you rather shouldn't be. A typical Gryffindor trait."

"But I saved your life!" Anger built up inside her. She hadn't expected gratitude, not from him, but at least something like appreciation of her actions. He sounded as if she had done something horribly wrong. Maybe she had, but that had saved him from death.

"I can't remember asking you to do so." Now the ice was back. He withdrew his hand from hers angrily.

"I don't care! I am glad I saved you and I am glad I used that book. You could be dead by now and I would never have the chance to-" She was interrupted by Madame Pomfrey's stern voice.

"Quiet down, both of you! This is a hospital wing, not a common room. You, Professor Snape, owe this young woman here a thank you, because if it weren't for her, you would be dead by now.  And you, Ms Granger, should be a bit more patient with him. Screaming won't solve anything with this ill tempered, stubborn man."

"I heard that." Snape's voice sounded again tired. "And Poppy now that you are here, could you please remove the bandages around my eyes. This darkness is getting rather tiresome."

Hermione saw Madame Pomfrey pale and felt her own heart breaking all over again.

"There aren't any bandages around you eyes, Severus." Albus Dumbledore stood in the doorway and Hermione wondered how long he had been standing there. 

It took a second for the words to sink in, and then for another second, Snape wasn't able to cover up his emotions. Sheer horror and desperation consorted his features but then a mask of ice covered all of that. 

"I see." The voice was bare of any emotion. But then he turned and looked into the direction of Hermione next to him. "Tell me again why you feel you deserve some gratitude, Ms Granger? For saving me from death? What do I get in exchange for the peace of death? A life where I can't see and where I can't even use my hands. Thank you indeed, Ms Granger, for your Gryffindor courage. I am eternally in your debt."

Before anybody could say or do anything, a sharp slap was heard as Hermione's hand connected with Snape's cheek.

"Never speak like that again, as though your life is worth nothing. You may not value it very highly, but there may be others who do." With that, she got up and left the room, hearing Dumbledore's calm voice from inside. She was quite proud of herself, and now that she was alone, tears were flowing down her cheeks.

_[Ehem… I am not going to say I am sorry. I am not. Hope this was as angsty to read as it felt writing it. I like them all to suffer some before I let them see the light. You have to see complete darkness to value sun. I guess.]  _


	10. Chapter Ten

**The Crush – Part Ten**

A/N: We are slowly reaching the end of the story- probably something like three or four chapters left. Don't know for sure. First I have to deal with some of Severus's issues regarding his past and of course see if something can be done about his eyes. I promise it's gets happier now but this chapter covers pretty dark topics. Be warned, it gets a bit graphic. Again rated R.

To my wonderful reviewers: So glad you don't kill me off instantly. I promise (evil grin) I love Sev as much as you do and he will get better soon. I am still not clear how the thing with his eyes will end so. 

The hours passed and with each hour Severus got more bored. It was ridiculous. Everybody expected him to be grateful to that Gryffindor know-it-all because she had saved his life. But what was the good in that? Was he to spend the rest of his days lying in bed being bored? He couldn't read, he couldn't even look around. And it was no reassurance that every bone in both his hands felt like it was in the wrong place. How was he supposed to brew potions with fingers like that?

The darkness had one good aspect so. He could ignore people. Poppy was moving around the room rustling with things but she was much to scared of his temper to address him. He was no longer angry more in a state of shock. He had not yet grasped the whole concept of what had happened to him.

When he tried to think back to the moment the crucius curse had been executed on him he met a numb blankness. He was sure it was either one of Poppy's potions or his mind had decided it was not worth remembering. But the events before were crystal clear in his mind as if recorded to play them for his own pleasure.

There was not really much to say about what happened this evening. Voldmort had somehow found out that Snape was working for Dumbledore and had used the crucius curse on him for hours. He had been mad with rage and Snape could honestly say he had never seen the Dark Lord in such a state before. He probably had been pretty sure about his loyalties.

He could still easily remember the cold sweat that had begun to cover his body shortly after the curse had started to take effect. The sharp pain in his bones as the knuckles were smashed and the searing heat in his eyes as somehow his sight was taken. It had felt like burning iron being pressed into his eyeballs and then he had experienced a feeling like nothing ever before, like acid cursing through his veins. Oh yes Voldemort had been out of his mind.

Softly chuckling he had to admit he was quite glad that his mark was gone. It had reminded him all too long off rash decisions made out of youthful foolishness. He had paid dearly for those but now he was almost sure most of his debts were repaid. He had sacrificed his own life, he had never cared much about dating or even starting a family and he had dedicated his life to bring down Voldemort. But now he once again had been forced to pay an even higher price: Eyesight and the use of his hands. It had been almost too high this time.

He still had hopes for his eyes so. Sometimes he could see small flickers of light dancing across his inner eyes. Either his mind was playing tricks on him or maybe there was something left to do.

Hermione.

He cringed. He had been pretty harsh with her but couldn't she see what she got herself into this time? He was an outcast; he was stained and now had not even a position as a potion master at Hogwarts. She was young, she was beautiful, and she was talented. She didn't need a weight in the form of a crippled potions master to pull her down.

There he had thought it. Crippled potion master. 

Hell he wanted to sleep but he wasn't tired. He had no idea where Poppy was and he didn't want to call like he was a helpless child. No he was still Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin.

He was sweating for some reason and he felt a sharp hammering in his head beginning. If only there was somebody to talk to or to at least keep him company but the only one probably willing was surely crying somewhere in the castle. 

_Because of you._

Later he would apologize. Later when his thoughts were cleared and he had a chance to he would tell her how sorry he was.

_[I know it is short but the next will be longer. It will contain a nice warm scene with Snape and Hermione getting what they want but this had to come first. For some reason this scene was difficult to write. Usually I write scenes in one go but I started this last night and finished it this morning. I hope there is no writer's block coming on. I rather finish this piece soon. Two more chapters and an Epilogue.]_


	11. Chapter Eleven

**The Crush – Part Eleven**

A/N: After some discussion with my wonderful beta I decided to not make it that easy for Snape. You know him as well and he is a stubborn bastard.

BTW this will have a sequel- yes. I am just saying this now so that nobody will try to attempt any murder at me. I know this not what you expected and maybe I am mean to leave them like this but I just felt that they needed some time to cool down their anger and emotion before they can meet again as equals. I am almost afraid to publsh this. ;)

Most of the rest of the time Severus was alone in his bed and he got bored. After what felt like an eternity he heard tentative steps outside the room and then a chair was scraping over the surface of the floor. When he smelled a faint scent of vanilla he knew who it was. Instantly he tensed up because he knew he could not face her right now.

"How are you feeling?" Her voice sounded calm and collected and he hated her for it. Not when he was feeling so nervous inside.

Turning towards the only emotion that felt right he let his anger bubble up.

"Well thanks to some stubborn know-it-all who couldn't leave me to die I am still blind and can't move a bone in my fingers. But other than that and the continuing nausea I am fine Ms Granger. And you?"

"There is no need to be so mean." Again her voice sounded as she was not feeling any emotion whatsoever. As if she was just stating facts.

The anger rose to unknown heights. How dare she awake such feelings in him and then appear here at his bed like this for- he sneered inside- yes she probably wanted a thank you. Well she would get one.

"Mean? Why would I be mean? You gave my oh so valuable life Ms Granger. I can be now whatever I want to. Oh right not a potion master any longer and since I can't see any longer there is probably no room for me at Hogwarts but then again who need a profession, who needs to do anything during the day. I am sure lying in bed is what every person dreams of especially IF YOU CAN'T SEE ONE FUCKING THING!" His voice raised more and more until he practically screamed the last part in her direction. He knew he was unfair, he knew it wasn't really her fault but right at this point in time he wanted to be dead and she had prevented him from dying last night.

For a minute she didn't say a thing and he heard a soft whisper.

"I am sorry."

He sneered and it felt better than anything had in a long time. He wanted somebody else to hurt like he did right now and if that somebody was Hermione Granger- fine.

"I am sure you are. But guess what? I don't care. And now please leave me alone. I don't think I can stand one more minute of your presence or I might barf."

He heard her standing up and somewhere inside a part of him screamed to not let her go like this, to not ruin this now and for good but he was in no mood to listen.

"I just wanted you to know one thing before I go. I am glad that I saved you because I just know that one day you will see that you are so much more than just an excellent potion master or a valuable spy. That you can be remarkable in somebody else' eyes without being anything other than Severus Snape. Not potion master, not spy and not Head of Slytherin. You don't even have to see for that or use your fingers. I know all that for sure because I feel like that about you. What impressed me the most was your wit, your talent to just know what to say when and your biting sense of humour. It's the part of you I fell in love with so long ago. I have no idea when you will stop being angry at me or if at all one day but I won't bother you with my presence any longer. The finals are in two days and till then I won't come here again. It's my way of showing respect towards you and your feelings. I am leaving the day after tomorrow to start an education at a wizard's university. If you ever want to contact me Dumbledore has my address." She paused and then he felt her standing next to him beside the bed. "I hope that you feel better soon and I think that there is something that can be done about your eyes. And if I have to develop that potions by myself I swear you will see again. I love you Severus. More than you'll ever know." He felt a soft kiss on his lips and then she was gone.

_Hold her back!_

_Shut up!_

_You don't want her to leave!_

_Be quiet!_

_You are one stupid bastard._

_I know._

His eyes might be blind and no use for seeing but in this moment he knew there was one thing they were good for at last. Severus felt the hot tears softly falling down into his pillow. Why the hell had he done that? Why had he lashed out like that? And why the hell did it matter so much?

"Hermione." His voice formed her name over and over again.

Wiping a tear from his eyes Albus Dumbledore left the hospital wing and shaking his head he stepped down the stairs into the candle lit hallway towards his office. He had some phone calls to make and then he would try his best to help Severus. Squaring his shoulders he sat down in front of his desk and looked to the corner of the room where the phoenix was. He was still sleeping. He hoped next life he would turn out to be a phoenix. Or an owl. But most importantly he wouldn't know Severus Snape or Hermione Granger. That would save him lots of heartache.

As inside a hospital and in a dormitory two hearts broke the clouds cleared in front of the full moon letting the soft glow of moonlight covering the old walls.

TBC

_[Okay I got Hagrid to lend me Fluffy just so you know. Don't even try to hurt me! Seriously this is the end of this story but after a short break  of course after the university years Hermione will be back and this time things will be completely different. Hope you all enjoyed and if you haven't so far consider making me favourite author so you see when I update. Was a nice ride wasn't it?]_


End file.
